Courtney's Cape Verde Experience...and then some: May 2008

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Looking back on almost two years of service

Over a week ago, the group I entered service with had our official Close of Service (COS) conference, the beginning of the quick downhill slide towards reentrance into the States (for most of us). For three and a half final days, we were all together again for likely the last time, recounting experiences, de-stressing, and preparing our anxious minds for reverse culture shock. It was truly a bizarre feeling to know that likely I might never see some of them again. I was so anxious for the conference to arrive, and then it proceeded so quickly that I was back in Assomada before the blink of an eye. Much as these two years have felt, if I can be so cliché-y.

I have avoided writing this blog since I got back mainly because I am not sure how to approach describing my feelings about this whole process. Striving for eloquence almost seems out of the question. Instead there's a whole lot of "uhhh"s and "well"s and "I'm not sure"s floating around in my head. Thinking about what has occurred within the last two years is sometimes mind-boggling, processing how much I've changed as a person, grown, learned, been broken, been repaired. At times I just feel so weary, as if my feet trudge their final steps instead of marching proudly; but other times I feel ecstatic, dancing the final steps with joy at the experience I've been allowed during my time here. In any case, I am on the way out, even though there are still 4 months left. I feel like there's so much left to do, so many things just beginning that I want to see completed; but everyone's role has to shift and change throughout the years. We go where we feel we're called and hope that it's the right decision, and know that people will move on and in time be fine without you. It always has, always will.

I have thought so much about America for the last several months, sometimes it feels like just a dream. I am wrought with anxiety, knowing there are wonderful things and terrible things awaiting me on US soil. So much information I lack, so "behind the times", so unsure of what to do in large grocery stores. Yet there's Starbucks, and Mom, and lots and lots of trees. Truthfully, at the end of 3 1/2 days of thinking only about returning and readjustment, I felt like I would be stepping onto a plane the next day, on my way overseas again. Wait, you mean I still have 4 more months left??! Two reactions: Phew! and Aw, man! So ready and not ready at the same time. But enough of the dichotomies.

I thought it appropriate to take advantage of this pivotal moment to take a look back on these past two years via photography. I tried to select photos that represent some of the different phases that have occurred, beginning to end. So enjoy the ride, I suppose. Also I hope you all really appreciate this blog, because it took me a freaking long time to upload all these pictures. Here goes...

BEFORE LEAVING