I give

I'm tired. Tired of banging my head against the wall. Tired of screaming at the top of my lungs for no one to hear. Tired of fighting the battle alone. Plunging, ripping through shreds of familiarity, of sanity just to find the bottom. Just to crash into what must be the ever-approaching canyon floor. No parachute, you stop expecting it. No big hand to pull you out, just pitying faces that say they appreciate you and your "work". And say they want to help, that you're doing important things. I'm tired of trying to convince people, of being the ultimate advocate, of speaking for millions, of trying so hard just to get one understanding soul. And you realize why everyone quits, why they throw in the hat. You see why everyone avoids, why only the bravest survive. And you want to be one of those, but you doubt, you wonder how you'll make it. Because it's so exhausting, and YOU don't even know. You who are out there. I know this because I don't even know. Don't even know what to ask for. Support? Love? Encouragement? Extra hands, bodies, available people? Things become so hard to articulate when you have been screaming for so long. When the anxiety and stress has tried every form until your body is beaten and it looks for other ways, thirsts for conquest, and you are left its unwilling slave. So I'll choke down the tears one more time and rest my voice for tomorrow's screaming. Because eventually someone will hear and prove their true interest. Eventually someone will stay, someone will be here with me, alongside me. Because I'm lonely.