Dreams and screams and mean, mean green teams

I have neglected you all beyond forgiveness. I was thinking about how frequently I blogged before (despite regular breaks), and how much information has been collected onto this site over the past almost two years. Then I thought of how much information has been lost recently by not writing it down, not sharing it, not releasing it through thoughtful analysis and creative expression. Nothing is ever completely lost if it remains a part of us, which the past several months has for me. But nonetheless, it would have been good to write...

Right now. Here is who I am right now: I realized lately just how much I have grown as an individual, how much I like who I am becoming, and how much I have left to learn and experience. I have become so much more confident, I say what I mean and feel without hiding or "prettying it up", I have become less passive aggressive, I have fought for what I feel to be important and chased after seemingly impossible feats. And have done a large part of it alone, solitary. I have always been blessed with the support of you all at home, and truly have individuals in my life others only dream of, but really and actually, I have fought for my causes without a lot of side-by-side encouragement or resources, nor many interested ears for that matter. Youth development around most of the world isn't the sexiest of areas, making it of less obvious interest to most, making me a lone ranger in the development world at times. But all drama aside, I feel like I am finally starting to accomplish things personally, professionally, etc.

Let's try to clarify the jumble. I am happy. I like what I'm doing, and I feel I have a good deal to offer. I finally took the advice of a wise PCV who finished her service last year--Tina--who always said the key to being a successful volunteer was in being selfish. Yeah, yeah, we're here to help and give all of ourselves, and humbly serve without pay, but sometimes the best lesson we can learn is to be selfish. To know when taking care of ourselves is more important than João Baptista's need to learn English at the moment. To know when to go out for coffee or tea if it means we'll be renewed and released from a few brief moments of stress. So I learned to be a little selfish, and not to worry so much about dedicating every spare moment to those who need me, learning I don't have to say yes to everything. I became healthily selfish. Thanks, Tina.

So I am happy in many ways. I found a great working partner at the CEJ in the new sociologist, with whom I have been giving a training in career orientation/guidance to local youth in our community. She likes to take coffee breaks with me, so we do just fine. She is driven, intelligent, passionate, and fun, so I pretty much adore working with her.

I am also seeing someone new, for the past few months, which admittedly helps to relieve a fair bit of stress, though admittedly cross-cultural relationships are never as easy as envisioned. I am able to enjoy it because I am letting it be what it is, taking whatever form it needs to take, without pressure on either end. We are both very ambitious and concerned with our futures, so neither would expect a major life decision taken on behalf of the other. This is good for someone like me who doesn't plan on giving up her dreams any time soon.

Another stress reliever: the gym. Yes the developing world has gyms. And yes, ours has an elliptical machine. And about 20 adolescent African males attempting to bulk up without having been taught appropriate weight-training principles. It's a sight. And a smell. Phew.

Currently it seems that things might be moving along smoothly regarding my potential transfer for a third year on the continent. Don't want to put the cart before the horse, but the Gambia has offered me a position opening up a site with an international youth NGO, the training for which would start in November, giving me plenty of time to finish up all my projects satisfactorily here, take my home leave in the US, and get to work. We'll see how it works out, but it seems an exciting possibility. I'll keep you updated.

I am falling over from exhaustion, so I am going to sign off this brief update for now and go run to the gym with my Brazilian friend Denise.

What do we think of the current presidential candidates? Any updates, opinions, concrete facts to offer this un-informed island dweller? It's a stretch to ask for any of you to actually write comments on this blog (yes that's sarcastic, and yes it's pointed at all of you who read but don't seem to have any opinions...which doesn't mean you, Mom), but if you should feel so inclined, pass some tidbits my way. Please?

Seriously, people, as much as I like writing and posting pictures for my own benefit to look back on, it would be nice to know that the world takes a tiny interest. What diverse population of individuals reads this?? I'm curious.

Take care, be back soon with pictures of my recent vacation.