Just one of them daaaaaays....

10/30/06

I’m feeling a little disappointed in myself that I haven’t spent much time lately reflecting on my experiences, how I’m feeling, journaling a little more personally. Usually I’m good at taking a step back to analyze what’s around me, look at the bigger picture, but not lately. Yet then I realize that I barely have two minutes alone sometimes to really stop and journal. My job(s) takes up all my time, including the supposed “free” time, previously known as a weekend to some, which usually ends up being a day for me, if I’m lucky. Saturday was my one day off and I went on a walk/hike with Andreia. On our way back, I saw one of the boys from the Center in Picos, whom I had met just Friday. Alarmed that he was walking around Assomada alone and knowing he was supposed to be in the Center, I told Andreia that he was an interno who probably ran away. So we stopped him, he pretended he didn’t know me, but eventually gave in and began talking to us. I asked him if he’d run away, he said yes, and so I invited him to come with me to my house, just to sit and have something to eat. He was very suspicious and kept trying to get away from us, but eventually gave in and came with us, probably because he had nothing else to do and nowhere really to go. At my house we tried to get hold of the Picos coordinator, but no one answered, so we took him to our Assomada Center, where he stayed the night until the driver could come and take him back to Picos. He’ll probably run away again. First chance he gets.

All day Sunday I spent in Praia with the youth from the CEJ of Assomada, who had an exchange with youth from the CEJ in Praia. I was asked to speak to the crowd about volunteerism, what it means to be a Volunteer, etc. and then we spent the afternoon hanging out, playing games, listening to a spontaneous batuque performance and brief theater the youth decided to bust out with. We ate lunch, then went to Cidade Velha to hang out with the youth there. All in all, a pretty fun day. I found a guy who speaks very good English—or I should say he found me, he was pretty anxious to practice English with someone. Apparently he’s friends with all the Peace Corps Volunteers that have been in Praia for the last few years. So that’s fun.

Today I spent all day working on a gigantic behavioral chart we are trying to make at the Center. And I mean gigantic. It’s a monster really. And we have to make two because we can’t fit all the girls on one chart. We decided to make this permanent chart that lists several activities that the girls are supposed to do every day or every week: finish their homework, attend group activities, clean their room, do their designated house chore, etc. and every day the activities they successfully complete will be checked off on the chart. At the end of every week or month we’ll add up the points and those who get above a certain number will receive some sort of prize or reward—a gift, a special trip out of the Center to do a fun activity, etc. I thought pointing out the things they do well, the things they are responsible for, would be better than pointing out the negative things they do, punishing them every time they fight or misbehave. Positive reinforcement. We’ll see if it actually works. The Center is so chaotic sometimes, I wonder if we will be able to get everyone to cooperate and participate with the chart. Because it’s getting ridiculous, the amount of crap that goes on there every day. Always something. Today a group of 7 girls tried to leave the Center to go somewhere out of Assomada—we don’t know where—probably to Praia or Tarrafal, without permission. Luckily someone saw them, they were reprimanded, sent to their rooms. Then we brought in two girls who had taken a dump on the roof, likely just to show frustration for the fact that all the bathrooms were occupied or locked up (don’t ask me why they keep the bathrooms locked, I asked the same question, and only found out that sometimes they dirty it up or horse around in it; but if you ask me a locked bathroom with little girls is only asking for mess or an accident somewhere in the Center). Usually at least once a week the girls are yelled at for pooping and peeing on the roof. Or in other parts of the Center. Such is life here in the ICM. It’s hard to know which thing to try first, which solution if any will solve all these issues. And frankly sometimes I don’t have the energy to deal with it. Other times I do, and I use that energy to do as much as I can and motivate the people around me, but then there’s those days…I guess everyone has them. You just feel desperate, like if you don’t find a solution in the next five minutes, the world’s going to explode. Irrational maybe, but anxiety nonetheless.